my prayer

of late it's growing on me the realisation that i seem to be preoccupied with matters within my sphere that solely concern an ever shrinking circle of people. may have been partly spurred by Louisa Alcott's writing. anyhow, that set the gears moving, and this came. (it's doesn't have all the eloquence the silent heart-to-heart prayer had but it'll have to do)

Help me Lord to focus not on myself but on You

not to be cowed by self pity, fear and worry

not to loose heart so easily

nor to be preoccupied by my sorrows, wants and needs

to realise that it's not all about me

or about how life seems hard and unfair

Help me dear Friend to reflect on Your goodness and grace

Help me my Counsellor to think about others

to meditate on good thoughts,

never allowing the idle mind create a workshop for evil

but instead to focus on others

to shine a lil hope and light wherever and whenever possible

to bring a smile, a lift to the weary heart

and when it seems that the flesh is winning,

help Lord to steer this quaking vessel through the stormy seas

back to the safe haven of the still waters,

back into Your safe and trusted arms, my Father

Timbaland - If We Ever Meet Again ft. Katy Perry

the song that i can't stop singing now. Timbaland's a really good singer actually. maybe he should just give up rapping and produce/sing songs instead -hehe.

questions

torn into 2

spending time in medicine - i've learnt to love the field and the work, the immense variety of diseases here in med is amazing and so fulfilling (with all the observation and deduction to be done) something which you'll certainly never get in Melb. also the amount of skills learnt here as a hseofficer is spectacular as well. and would take years to do in Melb. but what am i saying? all of these were taken into account when i considered the position

but now.

my earlier decision of going to XY is receiving flak from ppl here. esp when i say i wanna come back. they laugh or cynically snicker. most of the response is because they want me to stay here which i can understand. but do they know how housemanship is really like? that i wouldn't have time to go church? will they really make the effort to keep in contact, to come and see me? will they genuinely miss me or are they going to miss the piano?

which makes me wonder if i really can do so?

and above all the nagging bit that keeps telling me i'm meant to be here...

what do i do Lord?

Notable moments of the past rotation

• supervisor telling me seriously "please don't do forensics"
• the lady who helps with the housework commenting "yeah i can see the resemblance btwn you and your uncle"
• watching the pt as we break the news that all medical mx is failing and that we have to refer pt to transplant center - pt's face crumbles and for one moment it seems that pt's about to break down, but then pt holds in it, dignified choosing instead to thank the team for trying their best
• Bath- having proper English tea in the oldest teahouse available, walking in Austen's footsteps, seeing the Roman ruins
• sitting in the park, watching vessels go up and down the Thames, with the Royal Naval College right opposite me - choosing to reflect & dream
• taking Georgie & Leyka to McDs
• having a proper chat with the couple over cheese & biscuits, about the past, present and looking forward to the future, sharing God's grace and mercies and praying together
• that brief moment where she finally allows me to hug and kiss her
• walking with KT & Erica around Westminister & waterloo
• Elderly pts -some wishing me the very best and giving encouraging words. one crying out his worries and fears after the sudden turn of events
• Ah Ching's encouraging words just as i start the rotation
• receiving the email
• watching live classical concert at St James Cathedral
• he gave me the LGM
• tapas with the family