the past few weeks

well lots have happened since the last post.
by the way, i should clarify that whatever fanciful musing that i write are NOT poetry or anything hi fi- they're not lyrical either. they're just simple reflections (some may call them creative writing) but i prefer to know them as my thoughts, flights of imagination, fanciful musings.

for a start, my active O&G HSA posting came to an end (thankfully!) followed by 2 weeks of glorious vacation
went back home, and as usual twas a sta-cation (staying at home vacation) sleeping, eating, watching tv, spending time with grandma and family, and catching up with people, namely Adeline, Joyce, Eugene, JuLyrin and Ann Louise which was good. very fun hearing about their lives (most have graduated or are soon to graduate) reminiscing about high school and chilling in general. unfortunately didn't get to meet up with shern ai and wai ying due to circumstances ... but oh well
became tanner and heavier - now i REALLY need to exercise!

the return to JB was difficult. nobody wanted to come back (Su wen esp cuz it was her 21st birthday and all) but it was very hard for me this time. suffice to say, God has been good to me. His miracles are evident each and everyday- like today i absent mindedly forgot something crucial and seemed to be in trouble but somehow the whole situation worked out by itself. twas just like Faheem told me " Dr Alex told me to tell you that God is always looking out for you"
yup. very true
hahahaha...

and i'm glad that there's at least one or two who are actually happy that i'm back

" hey just want to let you know that i'm glad you back in JB!!! no not because of the XXX thingy.... it is just that i',m glad..."

but yes. what Dr Alex said is very true. and thank God for that =)

current stuff

right, quick update.

2 things on my mind

1. glad everything's cleared up. somehow, in the moment of greatest ache, He put balm into this wounded soul. and i'm glad He did cuz it's good to be back with friends.

2. got sinustis :( my nose is alternately clogged up (dizziness at times) and dripping profusely.
Cell-ies urged me to go see ENT, i dun want.... blame it to not wanting to be a regular at the ENT clinic esp after last year.

one more addition
3. O&G (HSA block) starting tmrw.

then and now

one year ago, certain things happened
my health took a nose dive
one year ago, struggling to deal with my body
amidst worries of the concerned friends
one year ago, how i was scared
thought God had left me all alone then

but one year later, i'm beginning to see the footprints left behind
all the signs to tell me that i wasn't alone
that night in the hospital, when things were just so bad
woke up from the darkness, startled, bewildered yet.....coherent and normal
miraculously Someone brought me back from the brink

one year later, i see how He led me to the right people
my physician throughly dealt with the fears, for he too shared my affliction
the scan came back normal - hallelujah!
though doctor's fees were waived, the other items added up
but thankfully somehow, we were able to claim it
everything was perfect timing,
He ensured that my physician was able to help me, before he took a turn for the worse
even when the acute treatment wasn't helping, He led me to another doctor who could take care of me better
long term prophylatic management
pain in the a**
but helped me
until i was healed


there are some things i still don't understand
but one year later, i'm beginning to see His hand at work
nearly 6 months on from the last episode, and His healing is still there
and even though i struggle with other areas of health and life these days,
His mercies never come to an end, but instead are new every morning.
Great is Your Faithfulness

Footprints in the sand (an adaptation)

One night a young girl had a dream. She dreamed that she was walking along the beach, across rocky paths and towards the cliffs, when she stepped into quicksand. As she struggled violently to free herself, the treacherous soil sucked her deeper and deeper in. At that moment, across the sky there flashed scenes from her life. For each scene she noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to her, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of her life flashed before him, she looked back at the footprints in the sand.
She noticed that many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints and that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in her life. She also noticed that during these times, the footprints seemed to be going in circles and that towards the end of her life it seemed to be heading towards the rocks and the stormy sea.

This really bothered her and she questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My daughter, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Bewildered, she asked the Lord again:
“But LORD, if You were carrying me, why did the footprints go in circles and why did it go towards the rocks and the storms? If You were carrying me, why did You carry me into the face of danger?”

The LORD looked her gently in the eye and said:
“My daughter, I was carrying you when the waves got very big and looked as if they were about to drown you. The thunder got louder, the storm got worse and you became very frightened. You ran out of my arms, and went around in circles trying to find shelter but failed. I tried to get you to come into my arms again so that I could carry you but you refused me. You screamed “LORD I don’t trust you anymore. How could you let the storm get so violent when you were supposed to calm it? How could have things become so awful?”

Here the LORD stopped. The young girl looked up wondering why, when she saw HIS eyes were filled with tears. At that moment, things started becoming clearer, and as she realised what had happened, she falteringly continued:

“I ran away from You because I couldn’t trust You anymore. Instead, I turned to my family, my friends, my studies and ran towards them, thinking they could give me hope, security and love. I thought that they would be able to help me find shelter through the storm. But as I ran to them, the winds grew stronger, and everything became darker. The waves grew bigger and drenched me several times. I couldn’t see them anymore but I could still hear them calling out to me. The closer I got towards their voices, the more distant they grew until I couldn’t hear them anymore. By this time, the storm was overpowering. And I realised that I had run towards the rocks, towards the sea and was going to die soon.”

Tears fell down in torrents as she carried on, with her head bowed down:
“LORD, I now know that I was wrong. Though the storm looked like it was going to swallow me whole, yet I was in Your arms where nothing would harm me. You were taking good care of me. But I chose to be fearful and stubborn, running instead to other people, thinking they could help me. LORD the truth is, men can try but in the end, they’ll still fail. But only You can do the impossible. Only You can make a way for me where there seems to be no way. I’m sorry LORD for doubting You.”

The LORD grabbed her hand, and pulled the young girl out from the quicksand. As the young girl emerged from the miry pits, the LORD hugged her and lovingly told her “ My daughter, I was there the whole time, waiting for you to accept me back. What happened has happened and that’s in the past. I’ve forgiven you so now let’s start anew”

And so, the LORD and the young girl walked again hand in hand. The storm had subsided and the world was calm again. Two sets of footprints reappeared in the sand as in the beginning of the story but the young girl had learnt her lesson. It wasn’t what was going on around her or why it was happening that mattered. It was WHO she was with that made the difference.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know, He holds my future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

BLESSED CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009



the original “Footprints in the sand” written by Mary Stevenson
this paraphrased version 2008 © http://yougotanna.blogspot.com

Hillsong United - You are faithful + Subs

These words,
they play repeatedly....

within all the complaining,
within all the anger,
within all the storms,
still one thing remains

You are Faithful =)

The Truth

Truth be told,
I was very angry, lonely and confused this past few days
Guess it was pretty obvious, from the previous 2 blog posts, my MSN nick and my general behaviour these past few days
Many have expressed their concerns at my state...
And for that, thank you for caring

But truth be told,
certain things have been happening and these have snowballed over this fortnight, climaxing this week

Anger, bitterness towards GOD
don't wanna talk to HIM
don't wanna have anything to do with HIM
but at the same time, feeling immensely lonely
didn't help that my close friend left for the UK this week
everything's been cooped up inside, stewing away
until someone said "If you're upset, tell GOD you're upset."
and then i realised yes... i'm upset with GOD
upset for the all the mishaps
upset that the nightmare is repeating itself
upset that i'm left all alone
upset that He's testing me in all these things and i'm asking for help, but nothing is happening instead things are going from bad to worse

but.... whilst i was busy being upset, bitter and irritated with GOD
i became very lonely
for i was actually hurting deep within
no communion with HIM left my spirit dying

so yes..
still hurting
but the difference is the light is slowly seeping through the darkness
and the healing process is beginning
and yeah it hurts like bl**** h***
but doesn't the first part hurt the most..
like when u clean a wound, that's when it's the most painful

sigh

keep in prayer please?

I Will Sing

history repeating itself,
the pain that one sister felt keenly and didn't want her sibling to go through,
that pain coming again
the fragility of health
and mourning Ronin

(from the album, I Will Sing)

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines

Though the labour of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no fruit

Though the flock be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, and I will rejoice in the God of my salvation

Lord we determine tonight that with all that’s in us,

We are going to bless Your name in spite of every circumstance we are facing

We choose to honour You, we choose to bless You.

Lord You seem so far away, a million miles or more it feels today,

And though I haven’t lost my faith, I must confess that it’s hard for me to pray,

But I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know where to start

But as You give the grace, with all that’s in my heart

I will Sing, I will praise

Even in my darkest hour through the sorrow and the pain

I will Sing, I will praise,

Lift my hands to honour You because Your Word is true

Lord it’s hard for me to see, all the thoughts and plans you have for me,

But I will put my trust in You knowing that You died to set me free

But I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know where to start

But as You give the grace, with all that’s in my heart

I will Sing, I will praise

Even in my darkest hour through the sorrow and the pain

I will Sing, I will praise,

Lift my hands to honour You because Your Word is true

"Though i may not understand,
all the plans You have for me
my life is in Your hands
and through the eyes of faith, i can clearly see......"

It's an excerpt from a song that was very easy to sing
now... it sums up what this broken self is attempting to say

Lord I dunno why things are happening the way they're happening
i wonder even more why they're happenening
and yes, i even question Your reasons for letting them happen

but still through this whole mess,
in the darkness, one thing still echoes very loudly

Lord, You are Good


help me to sing it out, Father.