looking out

From my window

I see the city as it awakes, bathed in the morning mist, giving the ethereal illusion of buildings emerging from a mystical nature, coming out from land before time

I see the highways jammed, as people hustle and bustle, attempting to reach their destinations safely and on time

I see helicopters gliding past buildings, flying across the horizon, gently resting down on the nearby police headquarters

I see the last rays of the sun resting upon the roof tops of houses and hostels, bathing them in a myriad of colours- shining gold, with slow steady red undertones, blue glimpses and finally the peaceful dusk

I see the landscape dark yet aglow, the skyline etched out with bright lights in the horizon, but closer to home, the roads are empty, time slows down, illustrating my path- the road less taken

I see the flashing blue and red lights, leave the morgue, going past the hospital, headed towards the place of the dead,

I see the faces I’ve seen in times past and present, reminding me of life, both now and in the future

From my window, I see how in the dark of the night, when no one is out there, peace still exists

If only you would sit, with your windows open, and be still...

floaters

though i may not understand,
all the plans You have for me,
my life is in Your hands
and through the eyes of faith,
i can clearly see...

help me, dear God to see through the eyes of faith
to move from this to there
to be able to finally say whole-heartedly like Mary

according to Your word O Lord
be it unto me

update

Aslan's words to Jill on the mountain as he blows her off to Narnia,
they reverberate in my head.
Don't remember the exact quote but it's essence keeps ringing time and time again

but anyhow, the main purpose of me writing this ...
is just a short note to ask you to give me time.

in the meantime, some things that i've been doing these past few weeks:
1. finished Paeds (with the oral presentation, logbook, written presentation, paeds contemperary issue presentation and diabetic review all done in the last 9 days of that period.
2. went back home for weekend
3. had the palliative care home visit couple of days ago
4. completed our GP group presentation, now to do EBCP assignement, over 65 years review and the GP essay
5. chilled out with Min Chiee and Sisca
6. went for the weekend services
7. finally a break in wall, a light from the brassy heavens
8. spending time with Nathan- just being with him was comforting. the joy and peace he exudes is amazing. God knows how much i love him
9. knowing one person who genuinely cares- Alicia, the comfort, encouragement and hospitality i treasure
10. my car tyre punctured on the way to Kempas. and my group changed it for me. the fun we had whilst acting and playing *grateful*
11. music- scales, Chopin, Richard Clayderman, jazz songs etc
12. i really miss paeds.

friendship (for better or for worse)

so i thought i had changed. turns out whatever microscopic changes that happened, were for the worse.
nagging? judging? looking down the nose and acting all hypocritical..
*sigh*
next course of action would be to repent and not do it anymore... but has the damage been done?
"you can't jump into the swimming pool without getting wet"
if i could turn back time, i would so that i woulnd't have said what i said, or acted what how i did, but i can't. and i think i might have impaired another friendship again *double sigh*

for the friendship that i thought was lost, has since been restored, and i'm extremly grateful for that -never knew how much it meant

the friendships that began long ago and lasted over a decade (one 15 years, the other 10 years), my dearest Shern Ai, Wai Ying and Pei San. though we went into "hibernation", the mere once-off gathering reactivated the whole thing. honestly i miss your prescence, your comforting words, your hilarious actions, all the teasing that went around, the honesty taht was so evident.
Kui Tien with eyes that twinkled with mischief, used to participate in de nonsensical discussions, teased me to bits, but always looked out for me. the wise words that came out from his serious and humble side made an impression. who could forget the moments we had especially with Jason, in the labs-the two mad scientist at work *hahahaha* even later when we grew up and parted ways, you always looked out for me. now you've gone away to start a new life elsewhere and i wish you all the best.
God knows, i really really miss you guys a lot.

of course the friendships that i've forged here.
my 2 housemates, su wen & vivian -took care of me, music coming from every room, hanging out, all the talks etc
chris, ben and gary - you guys have seen me serious and crazy, crying and doubling over with laughter. kept me in check when necessery and making sure that i'm alright. all the fights, and chats at McD, mamak and whereever else.
syaima - the laughing pill (in my case lar), one who inspires you to be more fit and one who will come to your defence when needed
mau ren & kiki - poking fun and protecting each other, your caring for me is cherished. you guys never fail to put a smile on my face.
ji keon, sue wern, shehara - make me do my best, help me see things in a different light, never afraid of standing by me or giving a gentle reprimand. plus your warmness is cherished
min chiee and sisca - my two huggies :) you watch out and love me.
jia lin, joo, fitri - though i wasn't exactly in ur circle, thanks for accepting me in
DOTA gang- yes i dislike being the noob and i hate being pawned endlessly. but all in all, we had great fun
my COP cell and friends - ShaeLynn, Wei Ming, Bing and kids, Tommy, Hui Lai, Alyssa, Shien, Agnes, Wan Yean, Naresh, William, Christopher, Tracy, Alvin Ong, Tze Shuen, Tze Yang, Han Ten, Nicholas, Samuel, Charles, Alicia and baby Nathan, Diana, Dah Ching and baby Neko.

thank you

beautiful moments

walked into cold storage and found affordable FRESH blueberries *how rare is that!* grabbed a box and slowly savoured them over 2 days. they were gorgeus and tasted so beautiful...
now i know what Lucy Montgomery meant when she wrote"..... eyes like blueberries"
with all the richness and allure found in every tint and shade - definitely an experience i'll never forget.

watched an episode of House, season 3 bout O&G. just warmed the cockles of my heart :)

sitting down, and just talking amongst the three of us. sharing bout ourselves.

getting my curtains back from the laundromat

seeing the joy on their faces when they've received great news and with the people that they love

clerking pts and guardians. seeing the infant smile and laugh as i try my best not to upset them.

finally being able to sleep.

pondering

Sitting down at dinner today
Just chilling out while waiting
Suddenly I realised
Everyone’s changed so much
Within these past few months,
Subtle changes like extra adipose, tanned skin, different hairstyle
Not just physically, but also in mannerisms

But within that startling revelation
Something small whispered
And as I looked with new eyes
Interested as I was
My heart ached for a tiny bit


Not much time left…………

growl

tis very hard trying to be good (much less being good)
but stillllllll

not my will, but Your's be done

very tough bar to follow :S
dear God, help me

it's not by might nor power but by Your Spirit

(and hence going on from there..)
Your love,

Your grace,

Your mercy.


It's You and You alone

Footprints in the sand (an adaptation)

One night a young girl had a dream. She dreamed that she was walking along the beach, across rocky paths and towards the cliffs, when she stepped into quicksand. As she struggled violently to free herself, the treacherous soil sucked her deeper and deeper in. At that moment, across the sky there flashed scenes from her life. For each scene she noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to her, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of her life flashed before him, she looked back at the footprints in the sand.
She noticed that many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints and that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in her life. She also noticed that during these times, the footprints seemed to be going in circles and that towards the end of her life it seemed to be heading towards the rocks and the stormy sea.

This really bothered her and she questioned the LORD about it:
"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:
"My daughter, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Bewildered, she asked the Lord again:
“But LORD, if You were carrying me, why did the footprints go in circles and why did it go towards the rocks and the storms? If You were carrying me, why did You carry me into the face of danger?”

The LORD looked her gently in the eye and said:
“My daughter, I was carrying you when the waves got very big and looked as if they were about to drown you. The thunder got louder, the storm got worse and you became very frightened. You ran out of my arms, and went around in circles trying to find shelter but failed. I tried to get you to come into my arms again so that I could carry you but you refused me. You screamed “LORD I don’t trust you anymore. How could you let the storm get so violent when you were supposed to calm it? How could have things become so awful?”

Here the LORD stopped. The young girl looked up wondering why, when she saw HIS eyes were filled with tears. At that moment, things started becoming clearer, and as she realised what had happened, she falteringly continued:

“I ran away from You because I couldn’t trust You anymore. Instead, I turned to my family, my friends, my studies and ran towards them, thinking they could give me hope, security and love. I thought that they would be able to help me find shelter through the storm. But as I ran to them, the winds grew stronger, and everything became darker. The waves grew bigger and drenched me several times. I couldn’t see them anymore but I could still hear them calling out to me. The closer I got towards their voices, the more distant they grew until I couldn’t hear them anymore. By this time, the storm was overpowering. And I realised that I had run towards the rocks, towards the sea and was going to die soon.”

Tears fell down in torrents as she carried on, with her head bowed down:
“LORD, I now know that I was wrong. Though the storm looked like it was going to swallow me whole, yet I was in Your arms where nothing would harm me. You were taking good care of me. But I chose to be fearful and stubborn, running instead to other people, thinking they could help me. LORD the truth is, men can try but in the end, they’ll still fail. But only You can do the impossible. Only You can make a way for me where there seems to be no way. I’m sorry LORD for doubting You.”

The LORD grabbed her hand, and pulled the young girl out from the quicksand. As the young girl emerged from the miry pits, the LORD hugged her and lovingly told her “ My daughter, I was there the whole time, waiting for you to accept me back. What happened has happened and that’s in the past. I’ve forgiven you so now let’s start anew”

And so, the LORD and the young girl walked again hand in hand. The storm had subsided and the world was calm again. Two sets of footprints reappeared in the sand as in the beginning of the story but the young girl had learnt her lesson. It wasn’t what was going on around her or why it was happening that mattered. It was WHO she was with that made the difference.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know, He holds my future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

BLESSED CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009



the original “Footprints in the sand” written by Mary Stevenson
this paraphrased version 2008 © http://yougotanna.blogspot.com

On the eve.....

time does fly
seems like just yesterday that I moved down to JB for my clinical years
and now barely few hours from now, I hit 21

this birthday will be quiet
just like my previous b’days
I will cut my cake with my parents, sis and maid
And tmrw will be spent doing paperwork in the morning,
followed by an evening at home just like every other day

I know ppl will be prodding me to go out and celebrate after all it’s my 21st
But how to if there’s no one around?
And in any case
I’ve done so much this year that I’m grateful for
I’m thankful that I’ve been given a chance to be a blessing to others
Just to hear people vent, or give them a shoulder to cry on,
To be able to spread peace, goodwill and tidings of great joy in what ever means possible to those who needed it
I’m glad that the baton for organizing b’day parties has been passed from me to others
And I’m honestly glad that everyone who turned 21 this year was given a proper bash
Like Fitri (whose birthday was celebrated in a big way the first time this year),
Like Chris, Min Chiee and Mau Ren whose 21st were during the exam period but still got something done

This year, God’s taught me so many things that I don’t know where to start
All I do know is I’m thankful and really grateful that I’m living to see each day
And though God has far greater things in store for me, more things He wants me to do,
I can’t do it without Him, only step by step as He leads me

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know, I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

The good side

Looking back, reading through my past entries, this cold hard fact stared at me in the face
--> i've been griping a lot about medicine

Yes, this blog is a form for me to vent and let loose
but this is one imbalance that i have to correct

Truth be told,
i've always doubted whether i could be a doctor
too delicate and impetous
not being able to grasp practical things easily
too fearful of trying new things, cuz i was scared of failure

Didn't help that i started with surgery :S
don't get me wrong, surgical rotation is necessary cuz after all we're getting an MBBS (bachelor of Medicine and Bachelor of Surgery)
but it definitely wasn't my cup of tea
starting with orthopedics, horrible circumstances in my 1st gen surgery posting, and my surgical nightmare --> suturing
all lead me to question whether i had the heart and drive to continue

Then Sem 2 started and i began my medical rotation,
not only was it so much more wider than surgery
not only did it require you to know, grasp and think way more
it was very scary...(not helping the fears at all)
but then i met Prof Khalid
i think that one sentence speaks volumes

yes, lots of ppl disliked his unorthodox style of teaching,
but what was important was he encouraged us to play detective and be a lawyer
through his eyes, things began to make more sense
but when i got him as my MCR tutor, i was scared beyond reason
i mean, c'mon, he's the HEAD OF THE CLINICAL SCHOOL, a PROFESSOR who expects way higher standards from you... and worse still HE MAKES PEOPLE DO MCRS at least twice!!!!!
very bad for someone who's scared stiff of failure and letting people down

to cut a long story short, i did my MCR- my first cardio examination, and i did badly
but he made me do it again (first time i re-did any exam in my life)
not before making me promise practising on 2 cases each day
second time i passed

Lesson he taught me--> never be afraid to try, even if you fail

that calmed my fears a bit- or so i thought

Year 3s have a clinical skills logbook that must be filled completely by the end of year,
we need to practice our skills, (history taking/examining, venapuncture, inkection, PR examination etc.)
I filled up 85% except the iv cannulation part...
my first one at Mahmoodiah was succesful
then 1 month later went to A&E to try and get the other 2 signatures
the first night, i did at least 7 iv cannulations --> all of which failed
also did 4-6 venapuncture for FBEs --> only one succesful
you can imagine what that did to my confidence
especially since my venapucture section in the logbook was all filled, and i had since then practiced venapuncture twice with a 50-70% success rate
didn't help that i watched my friend who was also there that night do at least 8 iv cannulations, ALL of which were succesful

i tell you, by the end of the night i was so depressed and just gave up

next day, dragged myself again to try and practice ...albeit half-haertedly
and thank GOD, i got my iv cannulation completely signed off

again the lesson learnt was --> fail once, fail twice, fail lotsa times, continue trying until you get it

*sigh*

trust me - medicine isn't good for your ego/confidence at all

anyhow today went to wards to clark patients for bedside
sat down and talked to an elderly lady just for fun
and she was asking about how life was as a medical student
as i sat and talked to her about my fears, and disappointments
she listened and encouraged me to go on

and then i realised, maybe it's not so bad after all

looking back, there's lots of hidden gems in the year,

• the ENT posting,
• the 2nd gen surgery posting
• having Mr Razak, and especially Mr Farouk for tutors
• the medical rotation
• learning about different diseases
• being able to jsut observe, take a history, examine patient and just come to a diagnosis
• hearing a term, and actually understanding it and how it fits into the picture^.^
  

there's loads more ...
but lesson learnt is that
around every bend, there's flowers and thorns
there are bees and honey
it's up to one to let the thorns hurt you so much that you neglect the flowers
or to suck the honey from the sting

also the most important thing,
you can never do this without God
it's only through the One Upstairs's help that you're able to offer some help to those who need it,
one can never minister healing to others without having the Teacher, the Great Physician and the Master Creator by your side to guide you through it all

Breakthrough

The title says it all.

The breakthrough came on Sunday morning at church
Initially, for the practice session it was very tough to be part of the worship team when one isn't right with GOD
how do you lead people into worship when you yourself have backslidden and haven't been spending time with GOD??
and from the beginning of the 5 minute service countdown, when those words appeared on the screen, i spoke it out and the conviction started.
held out as long as i could, but the gentle nudging grew stronger and stronger until it was a loud, insistent murmur that kept ringing and wouldn't go away.
and so, by the end of the 5 minute countdown, the walls of pride, anger and bitterness broke,
and the Comforter helped me to surrender it all

Then, Ps Dave took the pulpit and he preached.
What he spoke that day, pierced my heart through and through.
It was as if YOU were speaking to me directly,
with every word, You made this cold stony heart to be warm and alive again,
and it was clearly seen during ministry time worship where You gave me the grace to worship You again

Thank You Counsellor
Thank You LORD
Thank You Father
and also thank you to all those who prayed for me


On a another note (but kinda related to the one above)
Due to certain traumatic incidents that happened recently, there have been deep painful wounds that festered each day, and caused me to be grumpy and bite everyone back
but GOD's been doing work in those areas, and hard as it may seem, He's teaching me to let go and forgive
Many say that the past is the past, and we'd be better off if we forget about it
Easier said than done
But GOD's healing hand has allowed me to begin again
I'm able to do work again.
Have gone to clinic to finish up my logbook.
Have spent time with close friends, seeing things in a whole new perspective, and understanding how much they care about me
Have some time to just be alone and be with HIM

so yeah.
having said all that, this hols must be my busiest hols ever =P
anyhow shall close now.
love you all loads.
will see you soon

The Truth

Truth be told,
I was very angry, lonely and confused this past few days
Guess it was pretty obvious, from the previous 2 blog posts, my MSN nick and my general behaviour these past few days
Many have expressed their concerns at my state...
And for that, thank you for caring

But truth be told,
certain things have been happening and these have snowballed over this fortnight, climaxing this week

Anger, bitterness towards GOD
don't wanna talk to HIM
don't wanna have anything to do with HIM
but at the same time, feeling immensely lonely
didn't help that my close friend left for the UK this week
everything's been cooped up inside, stewing away
until someone said "If you're upset, tell GOD you're upset."
and then i realised yes... i'm upset with GOD
upset for the all the mishaps
upset that the nightmare is repeating itself
upset that i'm left all alone
upset that He's testing me in all these things and i'm asking for help, but nothing is happening instead things are going from bad to worse

but.... whilst i was busy being upset, bitter and irritated with GOD
i became very lonely
for i was actually hurting deep within
no communion with HIM left my spirit dying

so yes..
still hurting
but the difference is the light is slowly seeping through the darkness
and the healing process is beginning
and yeah it hurts like bl**** h***
but doesn't the first part hurt the most..
like when u clean a wound, that's when it's the most painful

sigh

keep in prayer please?

Metamorphosis III

damm it!

there i said it. i swore!
yes i swore!
surprised? why? it's a part of me you don't know
just like being over the top!
excuse me if the rare times where i actually laugh and have a good time is considered *over the top* or tooo theatrical/dramatic!
excuse me if i get too high.. and words just come out endlessly without thinking!

blardy hell!!!
don't tell me YOU know me!
when you don't!
hell no!
please la, i make mistakes like everyone else
just that i make too many of them of late
and yes i hate myself more than you know for them
i hate thinking that i'm actually smart, when all i do is utter stupid things and ask stupid questions
i hate opening my mouth, and diggging millions of graves for myself
i hate not having a proper sense of humour and laugh demurely, not like a half drunken ass, braying around in its drunken excitement
i hate thinking that i could actually change
i hate saying yes!
honestly the phobia is one side of the story.... but at the rate things are going, i might as well go MIA
i hate the fact that everyone looks at me and thinks that i have to change before i can be considered seriously

honestly, i just hate myself more and more each day
can't i give this all up please?????

Metamorphosis II

Why do I even bother changing…

When things just come back and hurt you

It’s a stupid thing

Why bother dreaming.. when you know that the dreams aren’t coming to pass

Why does this same stupid conversation have to happen time and time again…

Can’t people just accept me for the way I am???

Why do I have to change before you take notice and give me a chance??

My past isn’t allowing me to change… and so one side.. I have friends, and a small insistent voice telling me that…Wake Up! You need to take action, dreams CAN come true

On the other side, my past, my background isn’t letting me go, and deep down I know I can’t go against it….but honest to God, I sure as hell want it to disappear

WHYYYYYYYY??????

Forget it, dreams are for idiots. Time to get back to the cruel world and the harsh facts of reality.

I asked for patience, but I got troubles

I asked for wisdom, but I got stupider

I asked for help to control my tongue, but I was told to keep silent

I asked for humility, but I didn’t know how much of ego I had until it was battered severly.

I asked You to clean out my heart, but I never knew it would be this painful

I asked You for healing but You said wait… My grace is more than sufficient and will take you through one day at a time

All the ‘I’ s above… and only one ‘You’

Looks like there’s still a long way to go

I Will Sing

history repeating itself,
the pain that one sister felt keenly and didn't want her sibling to go through,
that pain coming again
the fragility of health
and mourning Ronin

(from the album, I Will Sing)

Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines

Though the labour of the olive may fail, and the fields yield no fruit

Though the flock be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, and I will rejoice in the God of my salvation

Lord we determine tonight that with all that’s in us,

We are going to bless Your name in spite of every circumstance we are facing

We choose to honour You, we choose to bless You.

Lord You seem so far away, a million miles or more it feels today,

And though I haven’t lost my faith, I must confess that it’s hard for me to pray,

But I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know where to start

But as You give the grace, with all that’s in my heart

I will Sing, I will praise

Even in my darkest hour through the sorrow and the pain

I will Sing, I will praise,

Lift my hands to honour You because Your Word is true

Lord it’s hard for me to see, all the thoughts and plans you have for me,

But I will put my trust in You knowing that You died to set me free

But I don’t know what to say, and I don’t know where to start

But as You give the grace, with all that’s in my heart

I will Sing, I will praise

Even in my darkest hour through the sorrow and the pain

I will Sing, I will praise,

Lift my hands to honour You because Your Word is true

1. My high school assistant head (PK H.E.M) apparently has a Facebook profile *shocked* .... ... and has added me *horror* !!!!!

2. My sister's biology tuition teacher, is a final yr medical student in IMU Seremban, who teaches biology part time on the weekends. Just found out that Gary and Chris know him too from IMU CF. Pretty small world huh?

3. I've recovered- yay!!!! big smiley :D but now Sisca and Gary have fallen sick :( get well soon ya!

4. Just listening to wonderful anointed music. Singing out loud and heartily, something that i've not done for a lonnngggg time. Bad experiences have made me self concious about singing in front of others, thereby holding me back especially during worship. But there's nothing that can beat just being in God's prescence. It's uplifting, when you sing with all your heart and strength to the ONE who is worthy of all praise. (thank you, my friend for lending this amazing CD)


5. Last night, i got *bullied* by the inhabitants of 21-3. The situation was so comical and frustrating that i wasn't sure if i wanted to laugh or cry- solved the problem by doing both!! never laughed so heartily before. My sides were aching, and tears were running down my cheeks =) Vivian (bore witness to the deed) could hear my howls and peals of laughter from her room. And apparently i've created some kind of record by S.O.B-ing (i.e. laughing so hard until i had difficulty breathing) for nearly 2 minutes while on the phone with Gary .. hehe
Unfortunately, this marvellous incident (marvellous for me since i don't laugh that much) had side effects. due to the hyperventilation, i blacked out <5seconds,>

6. Friends close to my heart, are in trouble. As much as i wanna say something eloquent that will touch their hearts, as much as i wanna gather them in my arms to show them how much i care and keep them away from mischief, as much i want to be by their side; i can't. This is a journey that only they can take, one that i can't accompany them on, but rather a journey that i must stand on the sidelines and support them, cheering them on and constantly praying for them. So at times like these, this song by Casting Crowns is like me speaking to them

24 July
Sigh- whoever said doctors are the healthiest people around, was wrong. cuz we've been getting sick too often....

let me explain

last week, Ben fell sick. Later that week met Shae Lynn who also was feeling sick.Then on Sun, Wan Yean was unwell. By Monday, Syaima, Vivian and Ji Keon were down. All had the common signs -fever & sore throat. today, i woke up and unhappily found that i had joined the club:(

23 July
today was a very tiring day for me..

had bedside with Dato Khalid followed by ethics. Thankfully the tutorial finished 30 mins early cuz i felt woozy -thought it could be cuz iwas very hungry despite having had breakfast. So had a sugary drink, then rushed to do my MCR with Mr Andrew Gunn (Head of Surgery).

Came out, had a quick lunch and joined my subgroup for bedside with Dato Veloo. By then, was feeling tired and so went a bit *hyper/crazy* with my answers and diagnosis(es). Didn't help that i started having transient room spinning around thingy. Was so exhausted and dizzy when i reached home. Mau Ren noticed it too, and asked me if i was going to faint (which of course i didn't). opened the door and collapsed on the sofa. after a while, when the vertigo didn't disappear, took the medication...and just spent the rest of the day resting.


Moral of the story:
1. must learn to take care of own self first
2. times like this, i'm grateful for the wonderful health so far. thank God for healing me.

2 blog posts in one day.. a tad unusual for me, at the moment

but this email that Zach passed along, really spoke to me
everyone of the first 6 verses, jumped out and ministered to me,

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living.''
I'm whispering 'I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian'
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

i need ...
i somehow need to connect with God
i Know He's here...somewhere...looking

out for me,
but i need to feel Him....

i'd like to tell you don't worry..but i know you will
soo all i can say is by His grace, the answer is on the way...
i believe..that soon, He will come, and help me

Romans 8: 35, 37-39

"35 Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble, or hardship, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger or sword?
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
38 For i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future nor any powers,
39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."