Metamorphosis III

damm it!

there i said it. i swore!
yes i swore!
surprised? why? it's a part of me you don't know
just like being over the top!
excuse me if the rare times where i actually laugh and have a good time is considered *over the top* or tooo theatrical/dramatic!
excuse me if i get too high.. and words just come out endlessly without thinking!

blardy hell!!!
don't tell me YOU know me!
when you don't!
hell no!
please la, i make mistakes like everyone else
just that i make too many of them of late
and yes i hate myself more than you know for them
i hate thinking that i'm actually smart, when all i do is utter stupid things and ask stupid questions
i hate opening my mouth, and diggging millions of graves for myself
i hate not having a proper sense of humour and laugh demurely, not like a half drunken ass, braying around in its drunken excitement
i hate thinking that i could actually change
i hate saying yes!
honestly the phobia is one side of the story.... but at the rate things are going, i might as well go MIA
i hate the fact that everyone looks at me and thinks that i have to change before i can be considered seriously

honestly, i just hate myself more and more each day
can't i give this all up please?????