lately things have been going weird around me and my friends.first it was me theen, the rest of my friends.hold on let me make it clearer.a week ago, istarted feeling angry and frustrated for no apparent reason.i mean it was like small incidents happened and i would blow my top off (figuratively).it was a struggle to keep the volcano calm. to tell you the truth, i was quite scared as i haven't felt like that for years..lepas itu, depression set in. there was this dark heavy cloud of despair on me.this lasted like for 2 days before things finally came to a stop. finishing uni one day, it seem it was too much to bear.it was a miracle that i didn't break down in the bus itself.as soon as i reached home,the tears came flowing.all the anger, the frustrations, the hurt, the bitterness; everything just gushed out.Out came theese questions: why do I have to go thru this agian, God??isn't once or twice enough- why must I fall into this trap again???why can't I be a normal teen??when is it going to be my turn??????????????????? hold on a sec. how many I's were there in that "confession"?????????Shouldn't there be less I's and me's instead more of GOD?????????????
man, it was then that the truth finally hit me.imean, i was being selfish-i had not surrendered that part of my life to God.instead i was holding on to that piece of self, not wanting to let go of it.why?? because it meant giving up one of the dearest things in my heart.and God knew that as long as i still held on dearly to that desire, i could not be shaped into what He wanted me to be. it's like the clay.see, the potter can't make a good pot until the junk is taken out from the clay.when the big lump of clay is on the wheel, and it is slowly being shaped from the outside, that;s when the most obvius changes take place.but after that, the Potter has to look at the inside of the pot - cuz that's where the junk is...atached to the inner walls of the pot- if not removed,it means the pot isn't stable,strong, good and hence it's considered USELESS even though from the outside it looks abit like what it's meant to look like. can u see what i'm trying to say??
so anyway, i surrendered it to God.Let HIm do what's best for me. since then, there's this peace in my heart. my friends too have been feeling down and out of sorts.since God has helped me thru the prickly holly bush, it's my turn to help my friends.i mean i can't do anything except to pray. and pray i will. it's very tempting to be frustrated as two have got their breakthrus already while one seems to be getting worse.but that means tha i should pray all the more.God You know wha'ts been going on.thank you for givung the breakthru to some.Lord You know that there's friend of mine who seems to be getting worse.in fact You know the whole situation and though our friendship is at stake,Lord i surrender it to You.thank you. Amen.